So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
