My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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