Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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