She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
