Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
