I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
