My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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