DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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