You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
