don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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