I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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