I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
