"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
