Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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