it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
