your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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