dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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