allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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