My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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