Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
