Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize