Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
