He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
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Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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