mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
is wine microwaveable?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
