He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
