And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
