batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We had to coat check the pizza.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
