i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
