woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
