Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
