he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
