just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize