I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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