oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
