The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
