This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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