Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
