It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
