My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I want a musical about memes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
