I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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