I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Actions speak louder than pants.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
