I just made out with a guy for $7.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
