i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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