It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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