The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize