Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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