I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
