worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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