What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
