I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
