I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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