hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
