if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
