that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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