how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
