; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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