We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
this is an emotional support booty call
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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