Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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