the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
