Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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