spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
