We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
