Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
