you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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