Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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