idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
