Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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