I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
