There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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