Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
