so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is the high leading the old right now
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
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He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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