I just pynch a tree in the face
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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